Anger and Fear
by reebajee
Summary: There are two things that make up who I am: fear and anger. I'm ashamed of both, and each is at war with the other. I'm furious for being afraid, and I'm afraid of being furious. And when these two people are constantly fighting for control within me, fear wins every time.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

There once was a little girl whose family was poisoned by rage. All around her, everyone she knew was slowly rotting, dying from their burning anger. She saw it happening. Watched her parents' fiery eyes as they fought to take everyone in their path with them to the grave. She saw first how anger clouded their judgment and then how it killed them. She didn't want to die. She didn't want to die, but she was angry too, and it hurt her. She was angry and she was dying. What emotion could she use to combat her anger? Sadness? No. In her clan, she was taught to use her sadness to become fury at the injustice of being wronged. The true opposite of anger is fear. And so, to save herself, the girl became afraid. Afraid of anger, afraid of life, and afraid to die. Fear is what saved her, and fear is what makes her miserable.

.

* * *

.

A/N: First drabble series. I wrote it a while ago and finally decided to post it.


	2. Journal entry 1

Journal entry#1:

Uncle Inoichi suggested I document my early memories in my journal. He said it might help. With what I don't know.

I remember my first memory like it was yesterday. Better than yesterday. Most people can barely remember what they had for lunch the previous day, but I forget nothing. Every detail is meticulously catalogued in my brain, which is why it has always bothered me that back until my first moment when I was four, everything is sharp as a knife, but before that, I remember nothing. Not even a glimmer. No fuzzy images, no impression of a feeling, nothing. It is as if my life began with that day. The day that was filled with smoke.


	3. Journal entry 2

Journal entry#2:

Heat from a fire. Soot beneath my fingertips. Shouted orders. A grim sense of mourning. Gloved hands wrap around my ankles, lifting me easily into the air. Ash from my shirt falls into my nose and I sneeze, snot already covering my face as if I had been crying. The person holding me jerks and almost lets go of my feet. "Holy shit, she's alive!" the person shouts. I'm set down roughly on the ground and for the first time I open my eyes. I see the face of a woman on the ground next to me. She's dead.

(My first memory.)


	4. Journal entry 3

Journal entry #3:

"Report."

"Sir, we found a survivor. A female toddler. She was lying next to the body of the matriarch who looks to be her mother. Assuming she is the heir, what should we do with her?"

The man in charge snorted, "Doesn't matter who's kid she is. She's the last, so she's the heir."

"What are your orders?"

"Is she diseased or violent like the others?"

"She was unconscious, sir, and too dirty to tell if she's sick. I almost burned her alive."

"Kill her. She's a biohazard."

"…"

"Well? What are you waiting for?"

"I'm afraid I can't follow those orders sir. We're been given leave to dispose of the dead, not the living."

"… Fine. Send word to the lord third then. Ask him what to do. But the old man's too soft. He'll send her to the heart of the village and let her infect everyone. If you ask me, I say we kill her."

(My second memory.)


	5. Journal entry 4

Journal entry #4:

I'm shaking. The face before me blurs from stinging tears. That man said she was my mother. Why didn't I know that? I reach a hand out to touch, but I freeze. The woman's body is swollen and pale, dried blood around her eyes and mouth. And yet ferocity lingers on her features as if she could still bite. The smell of burning flesh along with the snot dripping down my nose and throat make me gag. I try to breathe through my mouth only to taste the blood and sickness in the air. Am I going to get sick too? Am I already sick? Are the strangers going to kill me? Am I going to die? It was the first and last time I remember seeing my mom.

(Third memory.)


	6. Journal entry 5

Journal entry #5:

They stripped me down and wiped me off with stinging liquid. They gave me new clothes that were much too big and altered them with medical tape so that they didn't fall down. They made me wear gloves and a mask and told me not to touch anything. They shaved my head to look for sores or lice. I noticed my hair was pink as it fell in clumps at my feet. A medical ninja took some for genetic testing. When the results came back that I was indeed the lone survivor of the Haruno clan, they looked at me differently. Not only with the fear of infection, but also with the awe one might feel towards a mysterious beast. I didn't know if that would make them more or less likely to kill me, so I followed their every order without hesitation and without saying a word. They told me to follow them and I did. (Obedient)


	7. Journal entry 6

Journal entry #6:

My inner voice was so much quieter back then, always drowned out by the beating of my heart and rapid shallow breaths. Its demands were more like whispers, asking why they cut my hair, why they never touched me, why they treated me strangely and why no one bothered to tell me what was going on. Quietest of all, the inner voice asked, "Why me?"


	8. Journal entry 7

Journal entry#7:

The doctors said I was the best patient they'd ever had; not squirming as they took my blood, sitting quietly for all of their painful tests. They said I was brave when they stuck syringes in my arms but I knew what I was. A coward, afraid they'd kill me if I didn't do what they say. Once they were certain that whatever killed my clan wasn't contagious, I was granted a visit by lord third himself. "Child." He said. "What is your name?" And for the first time I realized I didn't know.


	9. 7 continuation

Journal entry#7 continuation:

"Haruno, sir." I mumbled at his question.

"And?" He asked.

"That's all I've ever been called, sir."

He raised a brow and I corrected, "It's all I remember being called."

"Oh?" He asked, "And when would your first memory be?"

"Two weeks ago. When your men found me."

He studied my face silently. "I see. Then I shall call you Sakura since the reports tell me you had pink hair before the medics cut it." I nodded. "All right Sakura, I will tell you what's happened to the best of my knowledge. Your people, the Haruno, were a highly skilled and powerful clan of shinobi. They were recently wiped out by an unknown epidemic." He searched my face for a reaction, but as I remembered nothing, it was all just a story to me. "You are the last Haruno. We don't know if you have the same sickness that killed your family, but whatever it is, it most likely isn't contagious. You'll live here a while longer under observation, and then We'll send you home with the Yamanakas to look into the case of your lost memories." I nodded again, watching my hands twitch under the heat of my stare. "Sakura Haruno." I timidly looked up. "Sakura, you are now a citizen of Konohagakure, and as such you're under our protection. No one here will hurt you and we will protect you with our lives until you are skilled enough to protect the village in turn."

And that was the first time I met the Hokage.


	10. Journal entry 8

Journal entry#8:

I'd say my time in quarantine was unmemorable, but that would be a lie since I remember everything. It would be more accurate to say it was un-noteworthy, so I won't. Instead I'll skip ahead to the end of my stay at the clinic, to when I first met the Yamanakas who would be my caretakers. I was brought to the Hokage's office for the second time in my life. There stood two blond people, a shorter man and a tall woman with a big belly. The man asked why they were brought there. Sarutobi told them he had a mission for them. The woman tensed, and pointed out that the both of them were on parental leave of duty. "Please calm yourself, Mai-san. Your worry is not good for the baby." I saw she was about to say something to that but the old man cut her off with a hand and said, "I was only assigning you both a domestic mission. I assure you it is safe. It's a long term D rank mission, and you will be compensated for as long as you keep it up. Your mission is to raise young miss Haruno here." The couple stared at me for a moment and I began to fidget. Then the woman spoke up. "We're about to have our first child sir, we couldn't possibly-"

"You are also to investigate her mind for signs of memory locking jutsu and reverse it's effects." Sarutobi interrupted once again. "If you succeed then Sakura will be moved to the proper department. Until then she is under your care." My new 'mom' and 'dad' had no choice but to agree. They're still trying to unlock my memories all these years later though.


	11. Journal entry 9

Journal entry #9:

They took me into a room with green walls and asked me to sit. I did so and the blond man put his hand on my head and when I closed my eyes I was in my mind. We both were. Then it all turned into the battleground where they had found me. _Heat from a fire. Soot beneath my fingertips. Shouted orders._ I averted my eyes.


	12. Yamanaka report

Yamanaka mind walking report:

My orders were to mind walk the young Haruno survivor. In the girl's mind, there were two levels of consciousness. On the first level, the memories I experienced were as she described, merely waking up and being found.

Once I had experienced all of the girl's surface memories I searched deeper. It is not uncommon for people to have mind selves: visual representations of themselves in the mind. This girl had two, though the second was much harder to find. She was chained up, tied and gagged, a rudimentary seal placed on her forehead preventing me from getting near. While the seal itself was the simplest of barrier seals, the fact that it was used INSIDE the mindscape made it an incredible feat. Such an action would only be possible with great mental discipline and emotional control. I deduce that Sakura's hidden memories are within her second mind self, and the only way to release them would be to get Sakura to talk to her.


End file.
